“You won’t die” - Aikido and the Practice of Courage
Photo by: Doctor Popular
Aikido is a Japanese martial art developed in the early 20th century by swordsman and veteran Morihei Oueshiba, who created what he called an art of peace. At the most basic level, the practice uses energetic harmony not to fight an attack but to neutralize it safely. More advanced practitioners spend a lifetime practicing the art not only at sparring practice in the dojo but when confronted with everyday challenges outside.
Some time ago I was preparing for a facilitation which I was very nervous about; it was a week long, I was the only facilitator, and I was presenting new material which dealt heavily with racial discrimination. It was also the first time I had trained in person since the beginning of the pandemic. I went to the dojo the weekend before, and my Sensei, Kimberly Richardson, taught a knife lesson. In aikido, we practice with wooden or blunted metal knives; they are not entirely safe (I once accidentally caught the tip of a wooden knife in my training partner’s nostril) but they are by no means lethal. As so often happens, Sensei said exactly what I needed to hear on that day: “You won’t die. And you won’t learn anything if you are afraid of getting cut.”
She meant that to practice the martial techniques correctly, the students needed to overcome their fear of the blade, and she reminded us that our most fundamental fear – of bodily injury or death – was not at play. But what I heard was a reassurance I didn’t know I needed, about my facilitation. I was facing a challenge and afraid that in such an intense facilitation environment, discussing heavy topics, myself or my participants might “get cut” – hurt one another. But we wouldn’t die.
One of the things aikido and many other martial arts allows is the practice of experiencing, neurologically, a threat or attack, and responding, in a controlled environment. When I train adults in communication and conflict resolution, I always remind them of the importance of practice – we cannot use new tools for the first time in the middle of a real fight (physical or otherwise). In aikido, training with wooden knives and swords, we often get “cut” in the sense of not getting out of the way of the blade; sometimes we even get physically injured – I broke my ankle when I was 18, and the person whose nose I assaulted assured me that she had broken people’s noses while training in the dojo.
Likewise, real emotional harm can happen in a professional training or facilitation. However, the benefits of engaging with that threat in a controlled and deliberate way far outweigh the dangers. Kimberly Sensei was absolutely right – we can’t learn when we are afraid of getting cut. We need to discuss frightening topics, try scary things, do embarrassing role plays, learn from one another, get called out and called in, argue, listen, practice the arts of peace. The training went well, but even if it hadn’t, no one would have died. Just like in the dojo, we practice communication with as much responsibility, compassion, and alertness to the dangers as possible, but we must practice. That is the only way to become not only more skilled but more courageous.